Commitment | Resource Guide
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What it is: Despite other choices that could be made, commitment involves ongoing decisions to persevere toward a goal that is important to us.
Unhealthy commitments: 1. Commitments that are biblically wrong must be avoided (1 Cor 7:39; 2 Cor 6:14). 2. Whenever it is possible, we should steer clear of commitments that are harmful for us (Prov 13:20; 1 Cor 15:33). 3. Being overcommitted is normally unhealthy and should typically be avoided (Mk 6:30-31). 4. Even if we are not overcommitted, merely good commitments must not divert us from the best commitments (Phil 1:9-10, NIV). The good is the enemy of the best. We must be committed to those people and projects the Lord has assigned to us (2 Cor 10:13).
Some reasons why we may avoid making healthy commitments: 1. Self-centered unwillingness to make sacrifices (Mt 19:21-22). 2. No good options are available (cf. obeying 1 Cor 7:39 if there are no committed Christian men available). 3. Fear of losing control (but see Lk 9:23). 4. Fear of failure (Judg 7:2-3). 5. Fear of being rejected if someone sees ‘the real you.’ The goal of interpersonal commitment is a healthy intimacy, based on trust, in which each becomes spiritually, psychologically, and emotionally vulnerable to varying degrees depending on the amount of time, trust, and desire for closeness they have. Unfortunately, everyone, to some extent, believes they have parts of themselves that are unlovable. The result is an avoidance of deeper intimacy.
Some ways to maintain healthy commitments: 1. Make sure it is a commitment God wants us to have. 2. Carry out the commitment the way God wants (Ps 19:7-11). 3. Focus on the satisfying aspects of the commitment (Phil 4:8) – including the joy of giving (Acts 20:35). 4. Act in trustworthy ways by doing such things as keeping your promises (Jn 13:37-38). 5. Develop better communication and conflict resolution skills so closeness can be deepened. 6. Commit to giving our best effort given other higher priorities we are to honor (Prov 18:9). 7. Since commitment is strengthened over time as each finds the other to be trustworthy, spend time with the one to whom we are committed. 8. Remind ourselves of the bigger picture of being faithful to what God has called us (Lk 8:15; Mt 25:14-30).