Connection Over Propriety | Resource Guide


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There are three key aspects to true religion: having right doctrinal beliefs, having proper religious practices, and having a relationship with God. The three are interwoven yet, since the greatest commandment is about loving God and the Kingdom of heaven belongs to little children who know little about correct doctrine or approved religious rituals/service, relationship with God is the most important of the three. The Pharisees emphasized correct knowledge about God and precise accuracy in rituals/service but most of them didn’t have a relationship with the Lord. Though the woman at the well was seriously deficient in all three areas, Jesus focused on her relationship with God because that was what was best, vital, and really mattered.

Jesus and man-made rules about proper beliefs and behavior:

Jesus ignored many of these rules in His time with this woman: don’t associate with Samaritans, don’t use Samaritan objects, don’t be alone with a woman in public, absolutely don’t be alone with a woman in a public place that is used to pick up women, don’t be alone with a woman who is considered immoral, don’t talk to any unfamiliar woman in public, don’t talk to a woman about God, and don’t stay in a Samaritan’s home. All of these are anti-connection. Weak believers are more dependent on using rules than is true of mature believers. Jesus was the perfect believer. Hence, He de-emphasized rules – especially man-made ones (Mt 15:8-9, TEV). The Pharisees, the ultimate rule-makers, are said to be ‘The Serious.’ An over-emphasis on rules can rob us of joy and being directed by His Spirit. 

Prior to His encounter with the woman at the well in Jn 4, Jesus had broken many man-made rules in what He said and did: (1) According to John, Jesus’ first ministry act after gathering a few disciples was to attend a week-long wedding celebration where they would participate in the drinking, dancing, shouting, singing, and merrymaking. When the host ran out of wine, Jesus used the waterpots designated for ritual purification to change the water into wine. It was more important that His friend not be ashamed than it was to be religiously proper. Compassion and continued loving connection is more important than ritual. (2) He cleansed the temple of sheep, oxen, and moneychangers so Gentiles could better connect with God (Jn 2:13-16). (3) He told Nicodemus that even devout Jews had to be born from above to have a saving relationship with the Lord (Jn 3:1-10) and that those who deliberately reject trusting Him will be condemned for their voluntary unbelief and revolt (Jn 3:36). (4) He baptized Jews as though they needed to repent to be in a right relationship with God (Jn 4:1-3). After His encounter with the Samaritan woman, He continued doing ‘improper’ things like healing on the Sabbath (Jn 5 & 9), saying His disciples had to eat His flesh and drink His blood (Jn 6), not going up to the festival when people expected because God hadn’t yet directed him to go (Jn 7), claiming to be God (Jn 8 and 10), waiting to go help His friends when Lazarus was sick (Jn 11), letting Mary anoint His feet and wipe them with her hair (Jn 12), and washing His disciples’ feet (Jn 13) etc. All of this aimed at improving others’ relationship with the Lord.

Jesus’ emphasis on connection:

What did Jesus do which focused on connecting with the woman at the well? He initiated conversation with her (v 7), helped her feel more comfortable by taking a one-down position of asking her for a favor (v 7), was willing to be alone with her (v 8), showed He was interested in her (v 10), made her feel safer by not giving her too much too soon (v 10), sparked her curiosity and desire to talk to Him (v 10-11), didn’t criticize her on a minor point of disagreement (v 12), respectfully moved the conversation onto her true need once she was ready (v 13-15), was both unorthodox and delicate in getting her to recognize her spiritual need (v 16), complimented her twice for her honesty (v 17-18), kept the main thing the main thing (kept the focus on what was vital) and went deeper as her view of Him improved and she became more open (v 19-21), confronted her key false views with truth when she was ready to hear it (v 22-24), and was deeply self-disclosive when she was prepared to accept it (v 25-26).

What kind of connection does Jesus seek?

Deep intimacy with us. This is hinted at six times in Jn 1: the Word was with God (v 1 cf. Prov 8:30, LXX), a repeat of this in v 2 for emphasis, John the Baptist being from God in v 6 points to ‘from beside God’/’from His heart,’ the verb ‘receive’ in v 11 points to them not receiving into intimate fellowship when He came to His own, ‘in the bosom of the Father’ (v 18) indicates the closest possible fellowship, and v 39’s ‘keep coming to me and you will keep seeing where I am staying’ indicates not a quick conversation but abiding with Him – which, as Jn 15:1-11 states, is the essence of discipleship. Jesus gave the Samaritan woman and her village a taste of this abiding when He stayed with them for two days (4:40). See Rev 3:20.

He is our beloved fiancée. Being God incarnate, Christ is the tabernacled Presence of God. We stay where He is and follow Him closely when He moves. We love Him because He first loved us. Agape, as the Song of Songs shows, passionately seeks the greatest possible intimacy. 

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Loving God | Resource Guide