Aspects Of Love
Though there are different types of love, Harry Stack Sullivan’s definition seems to capture the essence of godly neighbor-love (Mt 19:19): “Love may be defined as a condition that exists when another’s well-being and security are as important as your own.” An absence of concrete evidence of caring for another shows that we do not love others (1 Jn 3:17-18). Love is to characterize all we do (1 Cor 16:14).
What are some aspects of godly love? Commitment, responsibility, and Spirit-directed behavior. We have the capacity to both give and receive love. Others are accepted and we are respectful about their differentness as long as it is not sinful (Rom 14:1). We want His best for them and, to that end, we carefully listen to them and facilitate their sharing by appropriate disclosure about ourself. Since we truly care about our own welfare, valuing ourself as He does, we “love our neighbor as ourselves.” Our love is not conditioned on them ‘measuring up’ (Rom 15:7, NASB). They are loved as they are.
What other things indicate we are displaying godly love? A changed character that is not self-centered (Col 3:14) along with a sense of purpose in life (1 Thess 4:9-10) that leads to obedience (Jn 14:15) and tangible acts to meet the valid needs of others in our field of responsibility (2 Cor 10:13). In addition, we are tolerant toward people in non-sinful matters (Rom 14:15) rather than showing disapproval because they have a different view or way of doing things. This means that we will not insist that they obey a host of religious ‘shoulds’ and ‘should nots’ that are not mandated by God in His Bible. Rather, such ‘shoulding’ will be at a minimum. Finally, we will have fellowship with others (Jn 13:34) that, as much as it depends on us, is characterized by unity (Col 2:2).
How do we deepen our godly love for others? Since godly love is a result of being controlled by God’s Spirit (Gal 5:22), the more fully we yield to His control the more developed will His fruit of love become in us. We are guided by His Spirit rather than by our feelings or the opinions of others. Cultivating healthier self-worth is also crucial (Mt 19:19). Asking Him to make us more loving is important too (Mt 7:11). Spirit-directed choices will normally reflect concern for both the other and for ourselves (Phil 2:4) – so patterns of behavior that set our own well-being aside are probably not loving. (Instead, such patterns may reflect self-hate or placating). Finally, we can remind ourselves of the grace and love God has shown us (Rom 5:5).
Moral blindness reflects and further feeds our pride.