Be Lovingly Connected, Not Isolated
Loneliness, which includes feelings of sadness and anxiety, is a painful experience of lacking close, meaningful contact with others (Ps 102:7). There is a sense of not belonging or not being understood – a sense of emotional distance. Sometimes this happens because we are so needy that others imagine they could feel overwhelmed by our need if they were to connect with us (Ps 38:11). Loneliness can be brief (Such as a move which needs to be grieved), habitual (where you need to determine why you keep others at a distance), or not noticed because of busyness (where you need to want to change).
Some causes of loneliness can include ignoring God, preoccupation with things (such as television or computers), frequently moving, consistently putting achievement before people, fear of intimacy, and low self-esteem. We might also be lonely because we distance others through such patterns of behavior as being critical, resentful, demanding, intolerant, controlling, blaming, or selfish. Perhaps we are lonely because we are shy, socially anxious, or communicate poorly.
Loneliness can result in depression or self-pity (1 Ki 19:10), a focus on self rather than on service to others, or self-condemnation. It can also hinder our healing (Jas 5:16). To numb the pain, we might turn to drugs, alcohol, or overeating. We may engage in self-destructive acts because we think we must be unlovable and, thus, come to loathe ourselves.
What, then, do we do about loneliness? Being lonely was surely not the Lord’s intent for humans (Gen 2:18). We might be a friend to another lonely person or seek out contexts, such as small groups at church, where we might be able to make healthy new friends. Perhaps we could keep in regular contact with those trusted friends or family we already have. Developing better social skills (such as being able to receive a compliment) could ease loneliness. Taking small risks or looking our best are other steps that could help. We might read a good book on how to be a friend. Reminding ourself that God requires us to give and receive love (Eph 4:2) could be helpful – even though there is always a risk of being hurt, rejected, or misunderstood. We could also remember that the Lord is the ever-present, empowering, friend of believers (Jn 16:7). Finally, we can start thinking and acting the way the Lord wants (Rom 12:1-2) as this provides a metamorphosis for us much like a caterpillar breaking free from the isolation of its cocoon.
Comforting others is costly but worth it.