Developing Intimacy
Intimacy is a mutual ‘seeing into me’ that is accurate because there is mutual respect, safety, loving commitment, and caring. Intimacy can involve a sharing of activities, emotions, beliefs, close body contact, or spiritual closeness. Intimacy is at the heart of our relationship with God because we are called to ‘know’ Him intimately in our salvation (Jn 17:3). From this, we are to lovingly know others in the one family of God in such an intimate way that we greet one another with a warm hug and a kiss of love (1 Pet 5:14) as would be true of how the healthiest of families greet their members.
What are some of the signs of intimacy? We feel safe enough to reveal our true self. The other person accepts us (Rom 15:7) so we don’t feel really guarded. We can be ourselves to the degree of closeness warranted by the relationship. There is an absence of blaming, judgmentalism, self-centered demandingness, and unrealistic expectations (Mt 7:6; 10:16). The other person does not insist that we think, feel, or act like them (Rom 14:1-4) but our differentness is respected. Furthermore, there is empathy, not manipulation (Rom 12:15). In addition, our boundaries, such as our saying ‘no,’ are accepted. We are supported. We and the other are teachable and willing to change (Prov 12:1; 15:10; 29:1). Both of us are self-disclosive even about weaknesses (Eph 4:25). An adequate quantity and quality of time is spent together (Jn 13:23). Finally, both of us are growing (Eph 4:16).
What are some ways to develop greater intimacy? We can commit to continually saying ‘yes’ to being changed and controlled by the Holy Spirit (Eph 5:18) who produces the intimate fellowship (Phil 2:1) to which God has called us (Jn 17:20-26; 1 Cor 1:9). Besides this, we might learn to say ‘no’ to all that is not God’s best (Phil 1:9-10, NIV), do our part to maximize mutual need meeting (Rom 14:19; Gal 6:2), and develop greater empathy (Lk 6:31). Other ways to develop intimacy could include increasing our self-awareness (Jn 9:40-41), improving our communication skills like listening (Rev 2:29), saying only what will build up the other person (Eph 4:29), and remembering that we can only do our part to create an atmosphere where intimacy is possible (Rom 12:18).
Unending pleasure in the next life; training for godly pleasure in this one.