It Can Be Hard To Say ‘No’
Why is telling someone, ‘No’, often a difficult thing to do? Many times, I think we avoid saying ‘no’ because we don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings or we fear that they will disapprove of us or perhaps even reject us if we do. In other instances, we may have difficulty because the individual who is making the request is the kind of aggressive, narcissistic, intrusive person who won’t take ‘no’ for an answer. It needs to be their way or they will get upset – and they probably have learned that most people (or you in particular) don’t like to deal with their anger. Perhaps the narcissist has the gall to say that you are selfish if you don’t do what they want. Maybe they appeal to their request being unobjectionable to someone else. These are manipulative tactics. Yet, we may give in to them to keep peace. The result, though, is that the other person ends up running our lives while we feel both cowardly and ashamed that we have allowed them to do so.
The Bible tells us that the Lord has not given us a spirit of cowardice (2 Timothy 1:7). Thus, if we refuse to say ‘no’ because of fear, we are not acting in a way that pleases God. Instead, we are prioritizing what the aggressive individual wants instead of what we believe God wants. This is idolatrous on our part (Galatians 1:10). It is also wrong of them to try to control us rather than respecting us enough to let us live out our own convictions of what the Lord wants (Gal 2:4-5, GW).
What, then, could we do when we believe we need to say ‘no’ but realize this will be difficult? We can remember that God’s strength is available to us and He is able to deliver us from our fears (Psalm 34:4). We can practice saying ‘no’ in less pressured situations. Perhaps we can learn to state our beliefs with safe individuals. When we make mistakes, we can practice being gracious to ourself and to quickly ‘forget what lies behind us’ (Philippians 3:13). In addition, we can remind ourselves that it is vital for us to do what we believe is right (Romans 14:23). Further, we might keep in mind that, while change is often difficult, improvement is possible (Philippians 2:12-13). When we say ‘yes’ to what we believe is not God’s best, we are actually saying ‘no’ to what we believe is God’s best.
When God wants a couple or family to alter course, the revelation is normally clear.