Human Controllers Are Self-Serving

Dec 1

We normally need to not control others in interpersonal relationships (Rom 12:7-8, Message). The need to control is self-serving and can indicate that a person’s faith is not genuine (Gal 2:4-5, Norlie with GW). It is unloving and usually reflects our being very insecure. In addition, being bossy or domineering is poor modeling (1 Pet 5:3, Norlie with TNT). Controlling mothers tend to produce controlling daughters, for example. Further, the need to control is a poor type of leadership. We become more concerned with winning arguments than in cooperating so we can come to the best decisions possible.

When we control, we are punishing. We push others down but this keeps the controller down, too. Of course, we dare not risk vulnerability and intimacy when we focus on control. “Vulnerability is the giving up of control” (Carter Heyward).

Instead, when we are controlling, we use fear, ridicule, intimidation, and deceit to get our way (Lk 3:14, NEB with Montgomery). We are not to manipulate (2 Cor 4:2, Phillips) because, among other things, trust is undermined when we control. This surely affects another’s ability to receive love from us and is a poor witness of the gospel. We may think we are trying to help others but, by controlling them, we display moral tyranny. We are not to order others around (Ps 73:9, CEV). Is this how we would want others to treat us? Remember, “Love does not dominate; it cultivates” (Goethe).

It is vital that we not let others control and dominate us. Why? When others control us, we move toward fear rather than love, guardedness instead of openness, superficiality over intimacy, avoidance in preference to outreach, survival rather than service, and deceitfulness instead of truthfulness. We become more concerned with an individual’s will when we should be focused on God’s will. Our freedom diminishes as we seek to placate the controller. Integrity is lost and good character is undermined (since it is based on love).

There is only One who should be allowed to control us. While there is a place for appropriate submission and for being open to influence, it is wrong and destructive to allow others to dominate us, acting as though they are our God.

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