Wise Mate Selection
Have you ever seen a couple who appear to be mismatched? Some marriages should never have occurred. There may have been an unequal spiritual yoking of Christian and unbeliever, a gross mismatch in age, or a mere desire to escape an awful home situation. In other instances, passion may have led to a union that was ultimately destructive. God can bring good out of our mistakes, like he did in having Solomon eventually born out of David’s adultery with Bathsheeba, but that doesn’t mean what we did was right.
Minimally, a Christian should only marry another Christian (1 Cor 7:39, CEV). We should seek the Lord’s guidance on who He wants us to marry (1 Cor 7:39, Phillips). Further, we would expect Him to lead us to someone who is at least basically compatible with us so we are not “unequally yoked” (2 Cor 6:14-18). This is not a compatibility of mere interests or hobbies. Rather, it is being on the same wavelength spiritually, thus having the same approach to important moral issues and life goals. Additionally, we would anticipate that they would at least not be an obstacle to our fulfilling His call in our lives. After all, ‘suitable helper’ must at least mean this much (Gen 2:18, Berkeley).
Beyond this, we would normally expect Him to provide us with someone who meets our basic needs: sexual fulfillment, physical/verbal affection, spiritual upbuilding, being appreciated/accepted, honest/caring communication, support, and so on. Yet, we must remember that the Lord is full of surprises. Abraham could easily have thought that Sarah had not met his basic need for a son when they were childless for so long. Similarly, we, too, might be disappointed with His choice for us because we don’t appreciate His timing or larger purpose. Nevertheless, the basic approach is generally valid unless the Lord clearly indicates that He wants to do something different and not have our needs met (Hos 3:1-3, NLT).
Avoid the wrong longings and the wrong way of pursuing the right longing.