Be As Gracious As Is Possible
American forces experienced defeat at Kasserine Pass, North Africa, in WWII. Our British allies, in the persons of General Montgomery and Field Marshall Alexander, thought American leadership and soldiers were very poor, even hopeless. However, the Americans had learned a lesson in several months that it had taken the British three years to learn (Weinberg, A World At Arms, p 444).
It is so easy to criticize others. This is why Jesus asked us to examine ourselves before we criticize other people (Mt 7:5). Had Montgomery and Alexander done this, they would have praised the Americans and been encouraged. Instead, they were harsh with the Americans and viewed them as hopeless. Montgomery and Alexander’s unfair evaluation of the American defeat was self-righteous, grossly pessimistic, and hypocritical given their own record. They were incredibly gracious toward themselves for taking three years to learn lessons that the Americans took several months to learn. To be critical of the Americans was clearly wrong.
Change can be difficult. Sometimes it takes three years, other times it takes three months. Neither is to be despised. The good news is that change occurred. Let’s focus on the positive and build each other up (Eph 4:29). Life is hard enough as it is without those who are supposed to be our allies – spouse, friends, parents, siblings, fellow Christians – unfairly giving up on us because our efforts or the speed of our development doesn’t meet their expectations. The Lord is not harsh about our sincere efforts to grow closer to Him and neither should we be harsh with either others or ourselves (Rom 15:7, NASB).
Comforting others is costly but worth it.