Criticizing & Being Criticized
Lincoln discussed the role everyone played in slavery’s origin in the United States. He compassionately said the Southerners were acting as the Northerners would under those circumstances, and did not isolate blame on particular states, individuals, or a section of the country (Miller, Lincoln’s Virtues, p 287). Yet, Lincoln clearly affirmed that slavery was wrong. Remember, when people knowingly rebel against what they know God says is right, we are to strongly rebuke them but are to encourage or support those who are too fearful or spiritually weak to do better (1 Thess 5:14).
Most of us don’t like to be criticized. We don’t even like being shown that we are spiritually wrong in some area. You would think we would appreciate being shown obstacles to our becoming closer to the Lord. Yet, we often prefer not to be told anything unless it flatters our ego and increases our pride. As Norman Vincent Peale put it, “The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.”
How do we handle being criticized? We should try to see the larger picture. Perhaps they were well-intentioned but misguided (like Saul of Tarsus on the road to Damascus, Acts 9:3-9). We could consider who they are. It can help to learn to be gentle and warm toward those who are merely timid or weak rather than rebellious: “The more perfect we are, the more gentle and quiet we become toward the defects of others” (Fenelon). This was true of how Ananias handled Saul after Saul had repented (Acts 9:17). Furthermore, in one sense, we should learn to become appropriately indifferent. As Winston Churchill put it, “So long as I am acting from duty and conviction, I am indifferent to taunts and jeers. I think they will probably do me more good than harm.” As Jesus told us, we should dance for joy when others persecute us because we believe in Him (Lk 6:23, NJB and NEB).
When God wants a couple or family to alter course, the revelation is normally clear.