Sinful vs Healthy Jealousy
There is both a sinful and a healthy type of jealousy. Sinful jealousy is destructive (Prov 27:4, GW). It can lead to anger (Prov 6:34, NLV) and cruelty (Jas 3:16, CEV). Sinfully jealous individuals are difficult to deal with, are very unlikely to be even a decent friend, and normally should be avoided. It is easier to deal with anger than with jealousy (Waltke, Proverbs, v 2, p 374-375). A sinfully jealous person doesn’t really want the other to flourish, as would be true if they loved the person. This can be seen, for instance, in all the hurtful lies that jealous subordinates spread about General Ulysses S. Grant being a drunk (MacPherson, Battle Cry of Freedom, p 588).
Sometimes, the jealous one wants the other to be like a trophy to show how valuable the jealous person must be. This was true of Mary Todd Lincoln. She wished Abraham Lincoln well but only in connection with his being idolatrously dependent on her. She got angry when she heard that Abe may have briefly seen a general’s wife alone where Mary Todd could not be seen as being of greater importance to Abe than the general’s wife (Sandburg, Lincoln, p 674). Hence, Mary Todd really wanted what she thought was good for herself, not necessarily what was good for Abe. Her ‘love’ was self-serving rather than other-serving.
Healthy jealousy is unwilling to allow destructive intrusion into the properly exclusive relationship of marriage (Kidner, Proverbs, p 165). For example, God is said to be jealous because He will not tolerate His people engaging in idolatry by having someone or something else be more important to them than Him (Dt 4:24, GW). Since His people having a rival to God would be destructive for them, God appropriately wants what is best for them and is jealous of another hurting His loved ones. Thus, this kind of positive jealousy is actually a sign of health and love. God has this kind of jealousy and we can, too. Unfortunately, the unhealthy type is far more prevalent. As we grow in the fruit of the Spirit, which is love, we will have more godly jealousy and less destructive jealousy.
We are to be good stewards of the children God may give us.