Follow Conscience, Not A Controller
Setting boundaries can be costly (1 Ki 21:1-16). Bullies, intimidators, controllers – they don’t like to be told ‘no.’ They make demands and expect to get their own way. If we resist them, they get angry and become retaliatory. We may get the cold shoulder, the evil eye, anger, ridicule, or pestering because they view their desires as being more important than our interests. They are very self-centered and self-serving but are likely to blame us for selfishly not giving them what they want. If we don’t resist their efforts to control us, we will be rebelling against the Lord (1 Cor 7:23, TCNT with Wuest). We are not to give in to such bullying tactics as intimidation (Phil 1:28, GW). Our time, energy, and talent will be wasted on things that are not best for us because they are not in line with God’s will but with the will of the controller. Thus, it will become progressively harder to resist the controller so we can do what we believe the Lord says is best for us.
How do we set boundaries? We do the very best we can to determine what the Lord wants us to do, then we perseveringly insist on doing it (1 Tim 1:5). For instance, in World War II Churchill spent six hours one day trying to convince Eisenhower (Ike) to cancel an invasion of southern France. For six hours Ike said ‘no’ to Churchill in every conceivable way. He was utterly exhausted when Churchill left but Ike’s decision was later vindicated.
In contrast, I once had someone tell me that I needed to do something they wanted me to do. In my opinion, what they were demanding seemed to not be required by Scripture. I should have been respected enough to follow my conscience. Yet, the other person insisted that I do what they wanted or there would be very undesirable consequences. I figured these undesirable consequences would probably happen even if I did give in to their bullying but, sadly, I gave in anyway just to try to have peace. It turned out as I had suspected. However, my failure did strengthen my resolve to not do that again but to follow my own conscience.
Comforting others is costly but worth it.