Physical Affection In Marriage
God wants us to be physically affectionate with other believers (Rom 16:16; 1 Cor 16:20; 2 Cor 13:12; 1 Thess 5:26). He commands us to greet each other with a kiss of love (1 Pet 5:14). Such kisses were used as signs of affection and were given with a warm hug. How much more, then, should we display physical affection with our spouse? There are 12 stages of touch we need to regularly experience if we would develop and maintain a healthy pair bond with our spouse. These include things like hand-to-hand contact, putting our arm around our spouse’s shoulder or waist, intimate kissing, cupping our mate’s face with our hand, touching our spouse’s breast or genitals, and sexual intercourse (Joy, Bonding, p 43-54). Loving, intimate touch has an amazing ability to convey emotions (Morris, Intimate Behaviour, p 104).
On the other hand, the marital bond will weaken if the 12 stages of touch are not regularly taking place. Couples are commanded to provide each other with sexual fulfillment (1 Cor 7:3, GW). Surely, the less intimate stages of pair bonding are included in this command (Prov 5:19; SS 1:2, 4).
Spouses can affectionately touch each other often and see their bond develop or they can avoid touching and see their bond decay and, perhaps, die. For many, however, touching their mate is difficult. For example, those who have survived sexual abuse probably struggle with touch because it so often led to a demand for inappropriate touching. All such individuals who have a block about intimate pair touching, therefore, should seek healing so they are able to appropriate God’s grace to keep the fires of intimate love alive. Those who have no unhealed trauma which blocks them need to regularly choose to lavish physical affection on their spouse (Prov 31:11, LB).
Comforting others is costly but worth it.