Receiving Precedes Giving
Why do we have trouble saying ‘yes’ when that is appropriate? We may have trouble saying ‘yes’ if another is offering to display a significant degree of caring because we feel unworthy. We don’t feel valuable so it is hard for us to say ‘yes’ to receiving. Likewise, we may not say ‘yes’ to being helped by someone because we want to be self-sufficient. Hence, we are under-responsive and have rigid, protective boundaries.
A persistent unwillingness to appropriately say ‘yes’ can both reflect and reinforce selfishness, which is idolatry (1 Sam 15:23, Moffatt). For example, refusing to appropriately say ‘yes’ to the Lord is clearly a form of idolatry. Not saying ‘yes’ may also be due to a deficient ability to receive (and, thus, also to give) genuine love (1 Jn 4:19). It may display the smallness of soul which is seen in stinginess (where we are not very willing to truly ‘give’ ourself to an appropriate other). This stinginess is a form of greed, which is also idolatry (Col 3:5).
What can we do to improve our ability to appropriately say ‘yes’? We could start by practicing with small situations and gradually work our way to bigger ones. We might surround ourself with individuals who are healthy – particularly in this area – and will both model and encourage us to appropriately say ‘yes’ (Prov 13:20). We could say ‘yes’ to taking a small, reasonable risk with a trustworthy and supportive friend. Accepting the reality of making mistakes when learning a new skill and then not viewing this as being catastrophic is also helpful.
Change is not easy. Yet, if we would love God, ourself, and others more effectively, we must learn to say ‘yes’ when that is needed. Valid surrender to the Lord says ‘yes.’ To do less is to not put Him first in our lives.
Comforting others is costly but worth it.