Shyness Can Be A Type Of Pride
Being shy is about being afraid of people. The embarrassment of shyness can be a kind of pride because our focus is on ourselves rather than on God and what He wants (JNTC note on Acts 13:17). Remember, the righteous are bold as a lion (Prov 28:1). When we are shy, we are often afraid others will discover something unpleasant about us then ridicule or reject us. Perhaps we are shy because we are perfectionistic, have learned to be passive, or have poor social skills. Whatever the reason for our shyness, we become reluctant to talk, avoid potentially embarrassing situations, don’t take the initiative when we ought to do so, talk too softly, and are anxious. In short, this means we potentially could be excessively more self-absorbed. Our focus is then on protecting our image rather than on serving God in the moment.
We may justify shyness by thinking that it increases our privacy, leads to fewer interpersonal conflicts, and is a way of being discreet. Really, though, shyness can isolate us from others and, thus, can lead to loneliness. It weakens intimacy with others and contributes to low self-esteem. It may also lead to addictions (to fill the hunger for love) or to health problems (due to increased depression and bottled anger). Finally, it can cause us to avoid freedom by setting up extensive structure in our lives. After all, we wouldn’t want to chance a display of personal ineptness in an uncontrolled context of freedom and spontaneity.
What can we do when a loved one is shy? Praise them when they aren’t shy. Encourage them to develop their talents. Give them more opportunities to talk and don’t let other people answer for them. Furthermore, if they are okay with it, touch them more since respectful touch can facilitate bonding, trust, and a sense of safety.
What can we do if we are shy? Cultivate a deeper trust in the Lord as this will enable us to overcome our fear of man (Prov 29:25; Mt 10:28). Pray (Ps 34:4). Commit to not saying or thinking things which condemn ourself (Rom 8:1 with 2 Cor 10:5). Act ‘as if’ we are more outgoing. Get regularly involved with a nurturing small group (Heb 10:25). In addition, we can better develop our social skills. We might also remind ourself of how much the Lord values us and of His full acceptance of us in Christ.
When God wants a couple or family to alter course, the revelation is normally clear.