Suitable Intimacy
Intimacy entails putting aside the masks we wear and, thus, necessitates a degree of mutual disclosure that is suitable for the level of intimacy to which we believe we are called for that person. Since we love, we tell others the truth about ourself to the degree that is fitting for that relationship (Eph 4:15). The basic idea of intimacy is to ‘share fully.’ The degree to which we are intimate with someone is the degree to which we can be ‘naked and unashamed’ with them. This does not mean that we must ‘share fully’ with everyone for even friendship is a ‘more or less close’ experience. Not everyone is suited to be a best friend nor are we called to be ‘naked and unashamed’ with everyone. Jesus Himself was closer to some than to others. However, that which we do share is not to paint a false picture of ourself.
What are some of the indications that another is capable of a greater amount of healthy intimacy? The other accepts us (Rom 15:7), doesn’t make unrealistic demands on us nor unfairly judges us (Mt 7:10, 10:16), doesn’t verbally or nonverbally display disapproval for our feeling/thinking/acting that is different from theirs (1 Cor 12:18-24), and respects our ‘no’ to them with no attempt to force us to give in to them (Rom 13:7; Gal 5:1). Besides this, the other does not need to be in control where they insist on having their own way (Rom 12:15). They are open to correction and willing to change (Prov 12:1; 15:10; 29:1), are willing to share deeply about themselves with another (Eph 4:25), and do not have a significant internal block to intimacy in their life (such as an addiction to drugs or alcohol, a severe spiritual or mental/emotional problem, difficulty forgiving, or significant unhealed trauma whose likely effects are denied).
How, then, do we develop good intimacy? Obviously, we need to be the kind of individual who is capable of experiencing healthy intimacy. Further, we must commit ourself to being continually controlled by the Holy Spirit (Eph 5:18) who produces the intimate fellowship (Phil 2:1) to which He has called us (1 Cor 1:9; Jn 17:20-26). We need to do our part to maximize mutual need meeting (Rom 14:19) and to say ‘no’ to all that is toxic (i.e. to all that is not His workable best, Phil 1:9-10-NIV). Improving our self-image and communication skills is also imperative. Finally, we must seek out those who are nourishing and truly capable of higher levels of intimacy (1 Cor 16:18, Phillips-2nd ed with Montgomery).
Angels help us.