Some Denial Is Destructive
To deny means to deceive, to lie (Gen 18:15), to reject (Acts 3:13), or to say ‘no’ to (i.e. deny or withhold) what another wants (ZPEB, v 2, p 101). Thus, there are a variety of ways a person could be in denial. We will be focusing on denial as deceiving oneself or another. Let’s assume the individual is our spouse and that their denial adversely affects us in some way. They might be self-deceived and think that their issue is not a big deal. Perhaps they lie about their behavior, don’t share key information that would indicate they have a problem, or say ‘no’ to our evidence or to our interpretation of events. If they are self-deceived, they may grasp at straws by saying that their view is possible – no matter how unlikely it really is. This, too, is denial.
Denial as deception is destructive to the individual and to their relationships (Prov 28:13). It often leads to guilt that, in turn, results in self-punishing behavior. It can become a harmful cycle.
What can we do when we are affected by what seems to be another’s deceptive denial? We can admit that we could be wrong because God gives grace to the humble and we ought to be humble enough to admit that we might be wrong (Jas 4:6). We can also ask our pastor or some other competent individual to evaluate all the evidence to see if we are wrong or the other is in denial. Sometimes, we may have to see if they will eventually work through the denial on their own. We can pray that the Lord opens up their heart to see that they are deceived (Prov 21:1). Yet, we may have to accept that they will choose to stay in deceptive denial (1 Cor 7:16, ESV).
When God wants a couple or family to alter course, the revelation is normally clear.