Survivors Of Abuse
What does it mean to abuse someone? Abuse could include treating another harshly (Col 3:19, TCNT), regularly displaying bitterness or resentment toward them (Col 3:19, Phillips), and habitually being cross or surly with them (Col 3:19, Montgomery). Being intrusive and not respecting appropriate boundaries, as is true of committing adultery and other forms of illegitimate sex, can also be considered as abusive (Ex 20:14, CW). Indeed, abuse may also be extended to include a practice of lightly esteeming another – as is seen when we so lightly esteem the Lord that we use His name irreverently (Dt 5:11, CW). Loving behavior does not harm another (Rom 13:10) but seeks what is good for them (Rom 15:2).
Abuse can have devastating consequences. For the recipient, abuse can lead to disease, illness, or a breaking of their spirit (Ps 69:20, Harrison) so they have a much harder time living the way the Lord had intended. For instance, a person who has been a victim of incest or childhood sexual molestation may become promiscuous or, more likely, once married, will develop a desire to avoid physical intimacy and sex. She (or, less often, ‘he’) will almost surely have issues with trust, intimacy, and feeling safe in her marriage. The spouse now becomes a victim, as may the marriage, and the children have modeled to them a marriage with little or no physical affection – which can adversely affect their own ideas of whether marriage is worth it and what it should be like. Abuse, then, is destructive (Prov 11:29, Message). Proper ministry to one’s spouse, children, and others is damaged besides the damage done to the victim. And the ripple effects can go on.
For the abuser, they, too, fail to develop or be able to serve as the Lord intended. Those who speak abusively will have to answer to God at Judgment Day (Mt 5:22, AAT). What is worse, we are told that those who never repent of their abusiveness will not be with the Lord in the next life (1 Cor 6:10, TNT cf. Barclay). After all, abusive individuals are described as ‘pretend brothers’ (1 Cor 5:11, NBV cf. LB).
We are to treat survivors of abuse with the compassion we would want if it had been us who suffered as they did (Heb 13:3, Message cf. Lattimore). Survivors are not to abuse the abuser (1 Pet 3:9, TNT cf. TCNT) but to pray for them and wish them well – which would include the desire that they stop being abusive (1 Cor 4:12, CEV). Survivors are also to love the abuser (Col 3:19, CEV). Yet, whether someone has abused us or another, if they are unrepentant (with no change in their attitude and behavior), we are to refuse to associate with them if that is at all possible (1 Cor 5:11, LB cf. NBV, TNT, Barclay).
Moral blindness reflects and further feeds our pride.